yeah...

so it's been awhile since i've done the whole blogging thing, but i'm thinking i may get back into it. these days, i don't have much else to do, to be honest. i'm currently unemployed, and just a student waiting for the fall semester to start. my major is social work, after having changed it from art, to art education, and to english education finally. i really like the social work program at the university i attend, but i'm kind of a nerd who likes school anyway.

a bit more about me. i'm a 30 year old paranoid schizophrenic with a side of bipolar 1 and borderline personality disorder. i am heavily medicated, though, and after a really bad six month period of hell, we seem to have found the right mix, and i seem to now be functioning fairly well. things are still early and new in this relief period, so we're just hoping things stay calm and don't flare back up again. of course, that requires me to take my meds, which is something i absolutely hate to do, if i'm being honest. it's not that i like the chaos or the insanity, i just hate feeling like a zombie and having lost 'me'. more about all of that later on. there's plenty of time for all of that to be revealed.

also, i'm a newly found ftm transgender. ftm stands for female to male. basically, i was born biologically female, however i *am* male when it comes to everything else. it is a little confusing to a lot of people, but so far i am very lucky to have people in my life that really do get it. my partner is ftm as well and really helped me come to the 'aha' moment where i realized that's who i am. though i probably won't talk much about him, he truly is an amazing person, but we have our problems for sure. i'm still coming to terms with being transgender, and being gay on top of that, but i work with a great therapist whom i'll call 'P' for anonymity purposes, not for me really, but for her sake.

so that's it for now. i don't know how often i will update this thing. probably just as often as i feel that i have something to say. who knows how often that will be.

'til then...

- xian