Well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just get right down know to it. My partner and I split yesterday. The engagement is off he returned his ring along with his key to the house. I have to admit that it really hurt. He is still staying here with me, which actually I like because I like knowing knowing he's safe and that he has a stable place to work on stuff and that he doesn't haven't to worry about paying rent. However...
I'm not good with emotions at all. There's too much trauma in my past that the only emotion I ever feel anymore is numbness. It's not that I don't know *how* to feel.
This isn't going to turn into one of those woe is me posts, I swear. I had a huge part in this breakup and I take full responsibility for my issues that helped to destroy our relationship.
So now I'm here. And I don't know what to do or where to go. It's just like one more failure in my life. Another reason to go and use some more. Which, right now is something I have very little control over at the minute. As well as it sounding really good at the moment. There's a good chance that on Monday I'll be getting my specific variety of drug. And I am finding myself a bit too, hmmm, I don't want to say excited, but it's something close to that.
Anyway. Not to dwell on silly things. So I'm going to go get dressed and go get lunch.
'til then
- xian
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