i woke up late today. normally this wouldn't be such a big deal, but i had therapy with P today at 3pm. i ended up getting rushed so much that i forgot to take my meds, and that's not a good thing.
now, not taking my meds once or twice doesn't really mean anything too bad will happen. such as, the risk of me having an episode is slim to none. i would probably have to miss up to a week of my meds before there should be any real worry. still, it's a bad thing for me to miss my meds, because this means i miss my anti-anxiety med (not the one i was addicted to) and that can cause some problems.
i have really bad anxiety when it comes to people and places and, well, leaving the house really. so right now i'm on gabapentin twice a day. i take two in the morning and one at night to help with the anxiety, and so far it seems to work great. but today i forgot it, and so i was sitting in P's office vibrating, basically.
it goes to show just how much i need my meds. as much as i hate to take them, they work, and keep me in line and on track. as suffocated as they can make me feel, i know it's the right thing for me, and for everyone in my life, that i take them, so that an episode doesn't occur.
so i wasn't feeling so stoked after my session was over, but then i got home and checked the mail, and my whole day turned around! i can't say what came for me that i've been waiting weeks for, but at some point i will. i'm just not there yet. oooo, so mysterious, i know. haha. but yeah, it made me really happy and overwhelmingly excited which aren't feelings i have felt in a long time. i've got a lot going on in my head right now, it's kind of chaotic at times, so it was a nice change to lighten the load for a bit. i'm sure i'll come back down to reality, but for now, i'll take what i can get.
and on that note, i'm going to close. there's a chance i'll post again later tonight. it depends on what happens and how tired i am.
'til then,
- xian
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