happy...new? year...

okay, so it's been awhile...more than awhile, i get it. sometimes life gets away from you, and in my case, that tends to happen a lot.

so in up to date news, here's what's been going on:

i started a certification program for graphic design at the local college. they have a continuing education program where you can take two years to get certified in different things, one of them being graphic design which is what i really want to go into. so far, i haven't been able to get too far into it, because of different life situations, but we'll see what happens. i may actually be transferring to the art institute online school in order to get my bachelor's of science in graphic design, instead of just going through the certification program. a real degree seems as though it would get me further ahead in a career than just a certification, but i'm not sure yet.

i'm not sure yet, because i'm also currently looking at getting put on disability for my mental illness'. my therapist and i have been discussing this for awhile, so i finally contacted a lawyer's office today, and got the ball rolling on seeing if i can get represented first, and then what all it would entail. however, if i go on disability, i can't get financial aid for school. i would still be able to complete the certification program, but probably at a later time. so i don't know. it's a lot to process, and it's going to take some time to figure it all out, but at least i have options i guess.

as for my mental health, it's been up and down since the beginning of the year. i started off pretty strong, and stable, and since then i have had my good days, my bad days, and then my really bad days. my auditory hallucinations have gotten worse over the past couple of months, and so i've had my moments of near psychotic breaks, again, but i'm weathering through. thankfully, i have a pdoc appointment next wednesday, and will hopefully get my meds adjusted to get some help. stress hasn't been helping the situation either, so i'm having to find ways of relaxing. meditating, taking naps, writing poetry, and most recently i've been trying to teach myself how to play guitar. i'm getting better with time, but it, too, can be frustrating at times, so i have to limit my time with that. my paranoia has also been on the high end of things, but my therapist had a crazy idea that i tried, and it actually worked! she told me to drink a cup of coffee before going to bed. surprisingly, the coffee relaxes me a bit, and helps me to focus more, thus i can make my mind realize that my paranoia is based on illogical thinking. it helps me sleep throughout the night, instead of waking up thinking bad things are going to happen.

so hopefully i won't wait so long to post again. time just got away from me, and i got lost in life. neither of those being good things.hope all is well with the universe you live in. thanks.

'til then,
-xian