hey now, take your meds...

yea for cold weather! finally! i wait for this every year, and it puts me in such a better mood when it does come, and i'm way more productive.

for example, for the past two days i've been working on some of my design stuff non-stop. well, except for right now, obviously. and not only have i been working on stuff, i've actually *liked* what i've produced. and usually i'm a hard sell, even to myself. i've also been in the mood to really get my hands dirty and paint. i have plenty of canvas sitting in the art room that's calling to me, it's just been a bit too cold to venture into the garage to make a satisfying mess.

in other news, i've completed the first course on the road to getting my certification, and i feel pretty good about it. there are no more classes until january, though, so i've got to figure out what i'm going to do between now and then. it's not like i have a lot going on, or anything. i'm thinking about getting a part time job somewhere, but i really despise working during the holidays. people are crazy! and that's coming from me! hahahhaha!

well tomorrow is thanksgiving, which means a whole lot of food that i get to cook for just my roommate and myself. yea! i'm making this vegetable dish i've never made before, called vegetable tian, and i'm just hoping it comes out good. i'm adding some cubed ham to it to give it a little more flavor and  it's not thanksgiving without ham, so it's my way of sneaking it in there.

i figured it out. i've been having a hard time remembering to take my meds, and when i do remember, i have to fight myself to take them. my therapist and i were talking about it on monday, and she gets really frustrated with me when i don't take my meds, and she doesn't understand why i don't want to. and i was trying to articulate why, but my words became muddled and i couldn't express it properly. basically i told her that they make me feel different from who i really am. that i don't feel like me while i'm on them. that my creativity disappears while on them. but then yesterday, as i was working on a design, it came to me. the clearest way i can put it is that, it's like the meds hold me back. and not just by feeling sluggish physically. they hold my brain hostage from me. i can't access information at any given time. i have no control over my creative self, or my intellect. the meds just won't have those things.

anyway. i'm going to think more about this and see if i can't figure it out more so. but i'm on the right track, and that's a start...

-xian