so, it's been awhile...

i know. i haven't had much to say lately, to be honest. i've been in more of a contemplative, quiet mode. still, there's been a lot going on.

i'm not in school this semester. for two reasons really. one, my loans didn't come through in time for me to pay for classes, so i was dropped from all of my classes after the payment due date automatically. and two, we kind of decided that it would be a good thing if i didn't have school to worry about right now. and by we, i mean my therapist, my ex, and my roommate...and myself begrudgingly. i really want to be in school right now. i crave the experience, the structure, and the learning. i need that in my life. but i know that this was the right decision when it comes down to it. i really need to get a few things in my life straightened out before i can really move forward successfully.

then, of course, there was the wreck i was in. well, the wreck that happened to me, rather. i was rear-ended by this lady who was afraid of getting rear-ended herself, so she thought it was a good idea to hit me instead. luckily, her insurance took all the blame, and so once i can get a evaluation scheduled, i'll do that and then they'll cut me a check. the damage wasn't too bad, i don't think at least, but i'm not a mechanic, so i have no earthly idea to be honest. sigh, so there's that. i'm still dealing with the medical side of the whole thing. i had severe whiplash and a sprained neck and shoulder, none of which has been getting any better. but luckily, i won't have to pay for that either.

and on top of all of that, i'm working on dealing with some stuff that isn't easy to face. unfortunately, i feel completely unmotivated to get all the stuff out of my head through painting, which is my one big release when i'm feeling overwhelmed  and anxious. today i feel a little better, mainly because i had therapy yesterday, and got a lot of frustration off my chest. though, it's funny, i went in there meaning to talk about one thing, and ended up talking about something totally different because i forgot what it was i was going to talk about in the first place. that's probably a good thing though. could mean that it was just something i was blowing out of proportion at the time, and then was subconsciously willing to just let it go. letting go is good. i just have to remember that, all the time. life would be so much easier if i were capable of that.

but for now, i'm running out of words...

'til then...

- xian